My Disappearing Act & Moving Forward

dis·ap·pear·ing act
an instance of someone being impossible to find, especially when they are required to face something unpleasant.

So how long has it been since I’ve written something… Not a note or a few words…but something of strength. Something that makes you want to read a bit more, and then a bit more.

Hell, I could give you a thousand excuses why I did not take the time to put my thoughts to paper.

Maybe it was because I was still mourning in so many ways. Maybe because life in its beauty, has taken a new liking to kicking my butt, versus flowers and praises. And when I say, kick. I mean kick.

And finally, it all has to do with the fact that…well…I just get tired.

Tired of games. The empty words. The seemingly useless parody of life, which makes you feel like a ‘Sim’ every morning. Here you are, stuck on repeating the same gestures, uttering the same words…Only to realize that it’s a one-person show, and you are the only one participating…

Hell, I could go on and on with the same feeling, but to what avail?

In my opinion, there’s only so much self-pity one can surround themselves with.
I mean like, you know… At one point, like it or not, you have to put on your big girl pants and move forward.

If not for anybody else but yourself. Because, hell, nobody knows you better than yourself, eh?

So yeah, you can lie to yourself as much as you want, but sooner or later, the stuff is going to hit the metaphorical fan…And what will you do then?
Cry in your beer?

Nah, not worth it. Honestly, it goes nowhere.

So, then. By where does one start?

You go back to square one. You start over. You create a new …reality. The one in which you become stronger one day at a time. The one in which you become the person you’ve always wanted to be, but never had the guts to put forth.
Yes, that person.

I know, it’s not easy…but if you want, really really want to make that dream a reality…Well, screw it, you must be your worst bitch. And I mean it.

So, why did I just stop writing, when writing has always been my solace? My home away from home? My means, in keeping myself sane, amused, and moving forward?

Well, I guess I just forgot.

Forgot how to spell the words smiles, happy and strong.
Forgot that I’m that strong person I see in the mirror every morning.
Forgot that if I finally take these first few steps, then what is to come will be easier because of my decisions.
Forgot that I am the Master of my own Domain…

So here goes to moving forward. Here goes to your first and ongoing ‘giant baby steps’…

The ones that will not only make you proud of yourself but also make you move mountains of realities, in the flicker of a constructive thought.

Here’s to you.
Just Do It.